UPDATE: I have a type its called "Cluster B"; 6 months late and 1 year later

It's been 5 months since court and 6 months since I have finally had the courage to talk/blog about that my situation after my truth was used against me (again) that day in the courtroom.

The day that the case was closed out to him.  It wasn't shocking to me, in fact I was more surprised that we were objecting it than anything else. I mean I had posted a blog and spread word that we should close the case out, right? We all remember that??? I thought we were all in agreement to close the case out, but when my attorney had said we weren't I was confused, but went with it. Maybe she knew something I didn't... .she didn't. The only thing I was apprehensive about that day was the fact that my soon to be ex-husband was going to be able to have full control over when and how I got to see my daughter, I begged the court to appoint another supervisor, but she said it and It echoed and he loved it, she said "I am sorry Mrs. Fagan but Mr. Fagan will have full control over those decisions going forward." I mumbled "full control, that's right. But Your Honor what if he doesn't provide me the 4 hours a week to see her due to what ever circumstance he chooses?" That was a good way to put it, she has to see where I am coming from now.... She asked him if he would be willing to supervise he stated no that we have too much of a violent history and that he has had the cops called on him one to many times, he is not putting himself in that predicament again...

Wait, did he just say the cops were called on him???? By who??? I didn't call them when he strangled me with the phone cord, or when he stabbed my leg to get the phones, or when he destroyed the two week old Galaxy Samsung 7 (he really didn't want me to retrieve those pics), or when he shoved the hamburger down my throat, or choked me, not when he threw my purse in to a gas station parking lot and told me to go get it so he can 'run my ass over,' and I didn't call them  when he almost drove the car off I-95 because I read 'her' text while we were driving home from a soccer game because as he put it "he wanted to kill us both, but he didn't because 'she' deserved him." (I assumed then, that he meant our daughter, I have learned not to assume anything anymore) But NOPE I never called the cops on him... But the judge who had laughed him out of the courtroom months earlier in his request for an injuction, sided with him and said "Mrs Fagan, if you are not given four hours individual visitation with your supervisor then you have to take it up in Family Court." He mocked and taunted me while we waited for the final papers to be handed to us in the common area. He told me he wanted me to pay $800 a month in child support "like my baby daddy did." I told him if he was struggling financially he should probably (at this time it was 1/5 of the amount it is today) have spent $4,000 on event tickets, accommodations and all that goes with these kind of plans. He didn't like that. But we closed the case got our papers and went our separate ways, he left with our child, I left alone.

During the dependency case I was asked and argued with a lot on "how" this happened, "why" this went this way, didn't I tell them about what he did and what he said, some accused me of withholding information. Everyone said there had to be more to the story, most could tell me about someone else who had such worse allegations against them than I did and they had their child(ren).... "It doesn't make sense there has to be more to the story"  I wish there was... I wish there was something that I was just in denial about something I didn't want anyone else to know but the truth was is and remains that there was no more to the story.  The biggest misconception everyone has is throughout these months and court appearances, he was never looked at, drug tested, or held accountable to anyone. Only I was. It was not a court case of me vs. him. He had the state do his dirty work when he sent them that bogus video he directed and produced.... It was the state vs me in the best interest of my daughter. As sold to them by a 3 time convicted drug felon, womanizer, master manipulator, awesome poker player, and admitted liar. Every time I would say but he did this.... They would say it's not about him. Every time I would catch something like driving the baby home after drinking, they would say "well he's not the offending parent" I remember asking him once the first time I caught him in bed with a woman (who then proudly told me she had been around for months), how could you lie to me? Why did you lie to me? The answer was simple and every time he lies I hear it in my head "because I was a liar Melissa, and that's what liars do, they lie." Such a simple yet profound statement... Take that and mix it with leopards never change their spots, and sprinkle it what I believe is cluster B... Long story short without getting to far off an over beaten trail.... He won the battle.... Now we go into family court. A new arena where it's not all eyes on just me, where I won't have to hear this isn't about him, being told he is not the offending parent. If we ever actually make it to family court....

Now since I have taken such a break, I have a lot to say next post will be either about mediation, or why when some one calls him a GREAT dad I have to correct them on why his only a good dad and then the discoveries of the last year...Thank you for following, reading, empathize and judging me. This is my story and its far from perfect..but it's mine... Truth be told.