For your birthday I hope all your birthday wishes come true. I hope that choosing a wish for when you blow out the candles is the hardest part of your day, because you already have everything you wanted. I hope you have a piece of cake or a cupcake at midnight and you celebrate your day instead of avoiding it like you have done in the past, because you deserve to be celebrated.
I hope the next year brings you nothing but happiness and good memories. I hope that you get to a point in life where you have no need to look elsewhere that what you have is just enough and what you need, since our daughter nor I were. I hope that you never need another (Side-chick) Sunday night out and that staying home is preferred, because it has all you desire. I hope that you balance life, by being the best you that you can be. I hope you raise the bar instead of being deceptive. I hope that you never are left unfufilled. I hope that you find your once in a lifetime love. The one who knows all the bad and loves you still, but even more than that you will love them in that same way. I hope that you hate me less and let the anger go. I hope that you remember the good and and forgive the bad. I hope that when you wake up every morning you are happy with yourself, your choices, and it is just how it should be.
Now, I dont know if all that is possible... some people will always want and need more...(so Ive heard...) but I hope for you it is. And please know that hope is genuine. Dont let all this be for nothing... the destruction, the ruining, the process. I hope that going forward you are most fufilled by the life(s) you have created.
MAY THE NEXT 41 YEARS BE YOUR BEST 41 YEARS.... and may my birthday gift to you be just what you wanted, one you received the other is delayed. Enjoy your day, your life and the gifts bestowed on you.
To the rest: As of yesterday the divorce papers are in his hands. He has asked that i sign over my custody and rights. I don't want to as a mother, but because I am a mother I dont think I have a choice. No child should have to live in such chaos. And as much as I want to believe there is an end in sight, I know there isnt. I dont know what I did to make him feel so hateful and angry. As much as he wants to say he fears me, he doesnt. As much as he wants to blame my mental health theres no evidence of his personal diagnosis. All his accusations and reasons are just stories, and so I dont know why....and I have come to terms with the fact that I never will. I have driven myself crazy trying to fix it all. Be better. Do more. Try harder. But the honest truth is this isnt something you can redeem yourself from. My life will never be the same. And not because I smacked a phone out of his hand while holding the baby. But because I had trusted, loved and believed in something and someone who didnt feel the same way.
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